I seem to have a lot of "morale" dilemmas this week but here goes another one anyway.... I found out today that my "mean sister" by mean I mean really, really mean. So mean that I have chosen to totally 86 her out of my life. Anyway, I found out that she lost her home to foreclosure and has to be out by the end of this month. My first reaction?? Was, HA! Serves her right for always being so mean! Then of course, I felt really guilty as I know this is not how God wants me to be. But, how do you get away from all the meanness a person shows you and be what Christ wants you to be. The guilt just started to eat away at me and I wanted to stop and pray for her. When I decided that that was what I "should" do, I then thought that it would be no use as God knows my heart and He knows I do not mean it? So essentially I would be lying and God would know it! I was then in such a guilt state I couldn't stand it. It took me most of the day but after given some words of wisdom, I prayed for God to soften her heart and prayed for God's presence in her life. I still don't really feel that that was enough but, what more could I have prayed for that would not be a lie??? It really is tough trying to be what God wants! It really is easy with the family I have built for myself but it is really hard with the family I have chosen to leave behind!
Oh How I have missed you...Oh how I have needed you
13 years ago
3 comments:
I think that He also knows that you want to feel differently (or at least want to pray more sincerely for her) and He knows all that has happened (and what will) So the fact that you are willing to pray for her - no matter how sincere or not He knows that you are trying and that will make a difference.
Just as we can pretend to be happy - and then soon just be happy - I believe that you can continue to pray even though you may not want to for her - in time (maybe a long time) you will slowly become more sincere with that as well.... my two cents
That is such a tough one! It makes me think of The Shack when God has Mack pray for the killer even though Mack can't yet totally forgive him. The point is that Mack (and you) are trying to forgive, trying to pray for them. Eventually it'll get easier and Mack (and you) will really mean it.
It's so great that your heart immediately went to wanting to feel better for her! Your example is really one to follow!
I think Jen's right - that sometimes we can act as if we're something and eventually become that thing we're working towards.
Such wise young ladies you both are! How is the book? R U enjoying it?
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